i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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