i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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