Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
