I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
