Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
