What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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