So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
