It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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