I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
