is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
