i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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