i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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