I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You ruined the universe
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
