remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
