I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
