Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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