You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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