i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
