My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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