well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
