The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
