anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
