Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
