So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
