At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
