I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
