If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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