Yo dont text me then not text me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
