bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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