I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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