he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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