I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
