Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
