theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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