It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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