at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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