He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want a musical about memes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
