her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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