bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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