Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
