They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
