Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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