I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
