You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
