I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want to have your abortion
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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