Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
