It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
