just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
