And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
