I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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