oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
