he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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