I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
