After last night, I could never be a politician.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
