I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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