Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
