is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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