I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
