I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
